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Safe Words

Safety is key in the BDSM community, and almost nothing is more basic or of greater importance than having a safe word. But the specifics can be an issue of great debate and confusion within the BDSM community and even between partners. So let’s break it all down, one key point at a time.

The first, most obvious question is this… what is a safe word? Well, simply put, it is a specific word agreed upon by any two or more people engaging in BDSM play. Any word will do, but it must be easily remembered and unmistakable in its meaning when it is uttered during a BDSM scene.

Words like “no” or “stop” or “please” are NOT recommended, because they may be muttered or shouted several times during a scene, and they may not convey the seriousness of your request. Instead, simple words that don’t immediately relate to what is happening in the scene are usually much more appropriate. Suitable examples are words like “red” or “Santa” or “dog.”

No matter what, everyone participating in any given scene must be made aware of the person’s safe word, and they should only ever have one safe word that never changes. The submissive person should never assume that their partner or partners know or remember their safe word. It is their responsibility to be sure, or to remind them at the beginning of any given scene or occasion.

Do all submissives need a safe word? Yes! Regardless of who they are involved...

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